Asked by thegirlwaiting
No, you rock! Dun-dunananana-dun-dunanananah! (It’s hard to type out a rock n’ roll guitar riff. Especially when you only listen to hip hop and boy bands.)
Asked by for-the-love-of-ravenclaw
Ravenclaw? But I wanna win stuff. If I join that house, I’m automatically starting a rivalry with Gryffindor. Because they’re the house to beat and we’re going to be the ones to do it. From now on, the House Cup is going to the blue and bronze. Ravenclaw! Ravenclaw! Ravenclaw! Oh, man. My adrenaline is pumping right now. We’re gonna win everything, yo! Everything.
Asked by Anonymous
Just worry about being happy. If you don’t think you’ll have a good time with him at prom, don’t go. It’s not worth it. If you’re honest with him, then that’s all that matters. Because it’s better to be honest and open than act like everything is okay. Hopefully, he understands that. If not, just blame fire ants. He’ll be so confused, he won’t know what to do. And that’s when you walk away dateless and with a smile on your face.
Asked by being-rain
Why thank you. And, for the record, I think your comment is nice and cerulean. (Which is a pretty underrated, but pleasant color.)
Asked by Anonymous
You’re more than welcome. And from now on, you can just call me The Matchmaker. Or the love doctor. Or Doctor Love. Or Dr. Rhoades. Because even though I may not have a PhD, I do have a Tumblr degree. And that shit is a doctorate.
Asked by today-isawindingroad
Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to pay respect to a great hamster. Some would say the best hamster. And some would say gerbil, but those people are dumb and wrong. Learn your pet rodents, dumb people. Anyways, today (or yesterday, rather) our beloved Poop Baby passed away. And, boy, do we miss him. Because he was more than just a furry little buddy with chubby cheeks; he was our friend. And a damn good one, too. Oh, how Poop Baby loved to run around in his see-through ball, without a care in the world, and seemingly without judgment. If only life were that easy. You work hard and you move ahead, like Poop Baby in his hamster ball. But life isn’t that simple. Life can be cruel and cut short, like it may or may not have been for our dear friend Poop Baby. But let us not hang our heads in grief. Let us rejoice, as we remember the joy that Poop Baby gave to us all, as we remember him, here this day. Dear Poop Baby, thank you for all of the happiness you brought into our lives, and may you rest in peace in the glorious Hamster Heaven. Amen.
Asked by itsthegoldenafternoon
I don’t know why, but when you said “eternal follower,” I automatically pictured myself in short shorts and a robe with a bunch of people following me (like in Forrest Gump when he’s running across the country). Obviously, that’s not what you meant, but that’d be pretty funny. If you ever do find out where I live, we should do that, best friend.
Asked by Anonymous
Sounds like a great deal to me. And I’m going to be the Best Man for my brother’s wedding, so I can just use the same speech for your wedding. It’s a win-win! Don’t worry, I’ll change the names.
“Anonymous, you’re my favorite brother and I’m genuinely happy for you. Sure, you’re my only brother, but if I had another one, you’d still be my favorite.”
Asked by Anonymous
Whaaa? They don’t think I’m funny? Well, as the ladies in 3LW used to say, “Playas they gonna play. And haters they gonna hate. Ballers they gonna ball. Shot callers, they gonna call.” In other words, your roommates are just some haters. So I’m just gonna let them hate. Cuz I call the shots up in here!