Asked by beyondthescatteredwalls
Girl, you don’t have to explain yourself. I totally picked up on the Casper quote right away. It’s probably my favorite Christina Ricci movie from when she was a child, involving ghosts. Oh wait. Did the Addams Family movies have ghosts in them? I can’t remember. Well, just to be safe, Casper is my favorite Christina Ricci movie from when she was a child, involving a ghost named “Casper.” Yeah, that works.
Asked by nativetohere
No. I had a grandma hit on me once. And I didn’t know her, at all. She just spotted me at a bar, sat on my lap, and ran her hands across my chest. She smelled like cigarettes and old. It was funny, until it got all too real. Then it became funny again when she got up and left because I was “too young to party.” True story.
Asked by listinglazily
Ain’t otters just the best? I wish they didn’t live in water, so I could bring one home and keep it in my room.
Asked by lifesajokekeeplaughing
Dear, [insert name here]. Your sister tells me you may not be having the best week ever. That is unfortunate. Especially considering the week is only one day old. Or two, depending on whether or not you consider Sunday to be the first day of the week. Which I don’t. To me, Monday is the first day. And Tuesday is the second day. I don’t see how anyone can dispute that when the sound of “two” is in “Tuesday.” I mean, phonetically, it’s right there. It makes perfect sense.
Anyways, that’s not important. What’s important is that you stay off the carpet because the floor is now hot lava! Just kidding; it’s only carpet. You can walk all over it, if you’d like. Unless you live in a volcano and the floor actually is hot lava. Oh my God, do you live in a volcano? No wonder you’re having a rough week. Okay, this makes total sense now. I can definitely help you out with this. So I know a guy, who owns a helicopter, and if you just e-mail me your address, I can send him over to pick you up. Free of charge, of course. So, uh, yeah, just send me that address whenever you get the chance and your not-so-good week will be over before ya know it. And, hey, be careful out there.
Asked by louness26
Yes! Suck it, old best friend! And, just so you know, I can french braid hair, but I prefer to put it into pigtails. Obviously, we can discuss this more during our slumber parties. Anyways, consider me excited about this promotion. You won’t regret it.
Asked by thegirlwaiting
No, you rock! Dun-dunananana-dun-dunanananah! (It’s hard to type out a rock n’ roll guitar riff. Especially when you only listen to hip hop and boy bands.)